Nihilist Toothpaste: The Only Toothpaste Honest Enough to Admit Nothing Matters

If you've ever stared into the void while brushing your teeth and thought, "Why bother?", then congratulations — you're exactly the target audience for Nihilist Toothpaste.

Created by the legendary purveyors of weirdness at Archie McPhee, Nihilist Toothpaste is a real, actual product. It's not a joke (well, not only a joke). It's a fully functional, fluoride-free toothpaste that embodies the spirit of existential despair — in a delightfully fresh way.
(And yes, it's proudly part of my growing toothpaste collection!)

What is Nihilist Toothpaste?

At first glance, Nihilist Toothpaste looks just like any other tube you might find in your medicine cabinet. That is, until you read the packaging:
"Nihilist Toothpaste: It’s Flavorless. Why Even Try?"

True to its word, the paste is completely flavorless. No mint, no cinnamon, no bubblegum. Just bland, boring white paste, because in the grand scheme of the universe, flavor is meaningless.

Brushing with Nihilist Toothpaste is an oddly poetic experience. It strips away all the consumerist promises of "24-hour protection" and "ultra-whitening power," leaving you alone with your toothbrush and your fleeting, crumbling sense of purpose.

Who Would Use This?

• Philosophy majors brushing their way through finals

• Disillusioned hipsters needing to cleanse both their teeth and their irony

• Anyone who's ever whispered "nothing matters" while flossing at 2 a.m.

• The perfect white elephant gift for your next office party

It's also a hilarious and oddly fitting addition to themed gift baskets, especially paired with items like Existential Gum, Despair Mints, or a copy of The Stranger by Albert Camus.

Does it Actually Work?

Yes — it's a real toothpaste!
It doesn't have fluoride (so it's more of a novelty item than a dentist's first recommendation), but it does clean your teeth. In a way, it gives you the clean slate you always dreamed of: no taste, no thrills, no false promises. Just purity... and maybe a slight twinge of regret.

Nihilist Toothpaste is one of those rare products that is exactly what it claims to be — and somehow, that's weirdly refreshing. If you’re ready to brush away the absurdity of existence (or just want to give someone a brilliantly bleak gift), grab a tube. After all, as the packaging says:
"You'll never smile again, and that's okay."

Toothpaste with a Twist: Exploring Archie McPhee’s Wasabi and Rose Flavors

If you're someone who enjoys stepping outside the bounds of traditional minty freshness, Archie McPhee’s novelty toothpastes might be just what you need to shake up your morning routine. Known for their quirky and unexpected products, Archie McPhee offers two standout flavors that have definitely caught the attention of adventurous brushers—Wasabi and Rose.

The Wasabi toothpaste brings a bold, spicy kick that will instantly wake up your senses. It’s a fun, fiery twist that’s more of a dare than a dental routine. Perfect for anyone who loves sushi—or just likes to surprise their taste buds.

On the other hand, Rose toothpaste offers a completely different kind of experience. Floral and slightly sweet, it’s a gentle and elegant flavor that transforms brushing your teeth into a luxurious little ritual.

Both of these unique toothpastes are part of my Guinness World Record-holding toothpaste collection, and they always get a big reaction whenever I show them off!

While these flavors may not become your everyday go-to, they make for great conversation starters, gag gifts, or just a unique way to keep oral hygiene interesting. Whether you’re trying them for fun or looking to spice up your dental routine, Archie McPhee’s toothpastes promise a brushing experience you won’t forget!